a new thing I am doing

A new thing I am doing is trying.

I have wanted to “be a writer” my whole life, since I was a kid. I have done it, in some form or other, in those ensuing years. Blogging, newspaper articles, social media content, et cetera, et cetera.

But what I really, really want, is to be a poet, and to be a writer of novels.

There have been a lot of reasons (some of them just excuses, some of them legit) why I haven’t put a lot of energy towards these dreams. But the time feels right.

So. Here in this home of mine on the internet, I am going to start sharing some of my older writing, and also to create some new writing. Here’s a start: a poem I wrote last year and which was published in ‘Magine last summer.

And here’s to seeing what this might become. One step, then another.

10 things - July, again

An image of my eyeball from my optometrist check-up earlier. Something about it entrances me - nature is cool. Whether on the macro (lightning bolts or space) or the micro (blood vessels in a human eyeball).

1. One of those muggy late-July days when the clouds threaten rain, but never deliver. The clover in the lawn shimmers in the breeze.

2. This Wednesday evening is a pocket of time, a little house with skyscrapers all around it. A kid-free nugget to myself, after two days with him and before four more.

3. Kiddo is five and a half now. He is tall and leggy, stocky and goofy. He is into juice boxes, Mario, YouTube, colouring, joy.

4. I have to write up notes from a meeting last week and I keep putting it off.

5. I’m craving a cilantro lime chicken bowl from Tim Hortons. Part of me wants to do those notes up (and the corresponding action items in my Asana) and then go get it, but part of me wants to go get it now.

6. It’s a privilege to have a car to go get it with.

7. The heat is here, the heat is coming. Coming for us? Or just doing what it does, a chemical reaction?

8. Slow down and make space for magic, I told myself at the start of the summer. There is always that point a few weeks in when I realize I’ve forgotten to.

9. Yet magic is here regardless.

10. I planted the wrong beans to grow on the structure, but they don’t know that.

This post format is 100% inspired by Alisha Sommor’s posts.

it's may 1st, and i'm checking in with myself

Checking on my goals from the start of the year (post directly below this one):

• Level up career-wise… well, I interviewed somewhere that would have been a BIG level up, back in January, but didn’t get it. (Mostly because a friend told me she thought I could do the job, which was a huge boost. Not because I want to leave where I am - I don’t.) I’ve been mulling other things in the meantime. Like, how much do I want to focus even MORE of my time on career, and how much do I actually want to focus SOME time on being a writer, like finally?!? Also, this job I’m in right now is so perfectly suited for me and my personality and my experience that it’s kind of funny. I love it so damn much, more each month. I’m looking into some Professional Development that would help me level up, in this same job. So that’s exciting!

• Do two surf lessons. I bought a surfboard, so there’s that. Lessons at Point Michaud don’t open up til July. Stay tuned.

• Do a box jump at the gym. I care less about this now than I did in January. Also because of getting braces (which I will be soon) I won’t be able to afford going to the gym as much, so this one’s status is a “we’ll see”.

• Write the first draft of my novel. This is the one - this is the one. That I want to clear other things away for.

• Pay down debt. I mean, I’m trying. It’s not going great, but I’m trying. I can’t help that I’m a Taurus and I like to indulge in fine food and wine! And that it’s late-stage capitalism and I’m a single mom!

• Lastly I want to build an arch in my garden to grow beans on! Got the mesh delivered today (pictured above) … will get my mom to help me transform this into an arch, soon. Also weeded both raised beds over the last week, and got the apple trees - just need to dig the holes.

My word of the year: Level

A circle in a roof shows the sky beyond. Saw this at Aidan’s school and loved it.

I love the whole “pick a word for the year” thing. Some years I do more with it, some years less.

(Here are the past years: 2022 - Clear, 2021 - Spacious, 2020 - Action , 2019 - True , 2018 - Grow, 2017 - Nest)

This year what jumped into my brain last night was: LEVEL. As in: level up. As in: level headed. Level best. “I’m going to level with you.” Being on the level. It’s going to be a year of putting my head down and doing the work.

2023 Goals:

• Level up career-wise. I have a few ideas for this but nothing firm yet. But my 5-10 year plan is to be in an ED position somewhere so I’m making steps toward that.

• Do two surf lessons. I’ve long wanted to surf! Only one way to do it.

• Do a box jump at the gym. So far I psych myself out, so I’m going to work on this one.

• Write the first draft of my novel. I started it in 2019, but have really gotten away from it. I want to get back to it, finish a draft and then see about an editor or an agent.

• Pay down debt. This one’s simple. Fewer indulgences, probably no trips, but paying off debt.

• Lastly I want to build an arch in my garden to grow beans on!

What are your goals for this year? Did you pick a word?

Notes to self, mid-August

Seaweed from Florence beach, spread out on the grass by the currants my mom gave me, to rinse off the salt in the rain.

1. It’s going to be a busy season coming up, these next few months. Exciting and enriching, but busy. Make sure you ground every day - bare feet on the grass. Going outside. Standing by a tree, touching the trees. Even if you are in Cheticamp, or wherever you happen to be. Step away from your Asana, your inbox, your to-do lists, even though you are so in love with your career and power right now, and go outside. It will ground you. It will inspire you. It will rinse you.

2. The house, while being renovated or in need of renovation, is still a house. You still live here. (This site). Live in it. Notice what needs renovation. Do not be afraid to invite people over. It is like your home - the people who come into your home and don’t “get it”, well, they don’t get you. And that’s OK.

3. For better or for worse, since 2002, writing actually IN my blog’s “New Post” tool has felt the most inspiring, the most rich. (As opposed to a Word doc, or a Google doc.)

4. Sometimes a thing or an idea takes a long time in coming to fruition. And that’s OK. Frustrating, but we cannot all be Essentialists. And even Essentialists have back burners on their stoves. (I’m speaking specifically about the branding photoshoot you are slowly, slowwwwwwly conceptualizing and planning… and which is happening concurrently with your own changes in who you are, what you want to show the world, etc. It’s actually a beautiful, magical process… but it is SLOW.)

5. These various commitments you have made and are making, to community through volunteering, to your son to take care of him and be present with him, to yourself to do more writing, to friends, to lovers, to your job to give good energy… all of it is good, and in right timing. You’re not out of balance. See again the above note about grounding.

what's coming, what I'm letting go of

The blog posts are not very often these days but that’s OK. I’ve been wondering if I want to even keep this website here at all, and keep paying the $24/month that it costs to keep it up, but due to some recent changes you’ll read about below, I’m invigorated about it again.

So!

Some notes of late, things I want to mark in time, things that are inspiring me or that I’m excited by:

1. I’m giving up my VA gig! I was doing maybe 4 hours a month for a local photographer/friend, answering emails and helping her schedule some things, since last July. At the point when I took it on, I was still at my last job, and wanting an escape plan. At the time I thought I’d start a VA business, so my friend wanting some admin help was a great chance to try it out. However, in the ensuing year, I’ve moved jobs and am now heading in a new direction career-wise. And the old proverbial plate was feeling full - hence, a thing needed to come off. (At some point I’ll tell the story of how my replacement serendipitously came along, which is what helped me make the decision for sure.)

2. I’m taking on a new role with (a thing I volunteer for that I can't yet say) and wanting to do it REALLY well because it is exciting. More on that once I can say!

3. I was asked to do a workshop in July with two community organizations all about writing and blogging that is SO exciting. Again, I’ll share more once I’m able to!

4. My day job is one that I legit LOVE, that feels like it has upward movement, where I’m putting roots into the community I actually live in (North Sydney) instead of the neighbouring one (Sydney). At my last job, I loved some elements of it but other elements felt stale, stagnant. Doesn’t mean its not a good job for someone else - but for me it was time to move on and I’m so glad I did.

5. I’m wanting to write more! Stories. Poems. Blog posts. A book? Going to try hard not to take on anything new since giving up the VA gig, and wanting to use that time to WRITE more: be a writer, write things, publish things, teach workshops. I dunno man, something about 38 feels like - this is IT. Go after the thing you want. That you’ve always wanted. To that end - I submitted a poem to ‘Magine: Unama’ki/Cape Breton’s Literary Magazine. And I’m reviving a novel I started in 2019 that I’ll share more about soon.

6. I’m so inspired by Monica Byrne - her book The Actual Star, plus her Patreon and how she shares her process there. She’s the real deal! I want to have (elements of) her life, man.

Other than that - life is life-ing along! Aidan is four, he’ll be 4 and 1/2 next month. He’s registered for pre-primary to start in the Fall. He’s in T-Ball, and soccer starts next week. There are fewer tantrums, but still some meltdowns. He’s my little adventure pal, my quesadilla kid.

And there’s the garden, and the boyfriend, and the family, and friends. Dinners out, and Netflix shows. I got a cleaner who comes once a month now and it’s changed my life, honestly. I’ll write more about that for sure.

Life is good. More soon!

2022 Goals

Oh hey! It’s been a hot minute since I’ve showed up here.

My last post on this blog was August 13 of last year - and when I look back in my planner, only 3 days later I had an interview for a job that I would end up being offered and taking. After 7 years at the Horizon Achievement Centre working with adults with intellectual disabilities, I am now the Information Resource Specialist with the local Nova Scotia Works Employment Services Centre, only a 5 minute drive away from my home. I started that position in early September and around the same time joined the Board of Directors of ACAP Cape Breton, taking on the role of Secretary.

I also took on a Virtual Assistant client, just a few hours a month but something to try on that work, as I’ve always been curious about it.

And, I started holding monthly Climate Grief Support Circles, on zoom and in person.

Oh! And, in November I met someone and started dating them, which of course takes energy and time. Energy and time happily spent, of course! But nonetheless energy and time.

And through it all I’ve been coparenting my 3-and-a-half-year old son.

So it’s been a busy fall, haha.

Then in December the Omicron surge took off, and by the time Christmas was here I was very burnt out and tired. Not at all in the mood to set yearly goals or pick a word of the year, as I normally do.

So I gave myself grace. And space, and time.

I wrote in my journal, I mulled. While doing dishes, while doing laundry, while walking the icy snowy rainy sidewalks.

And today, I’m ready, ready to state for myself, ready to share.

I feel as though I have other goals within my relationship with my son, within my new romantic relationship, and so on, but they are personal and not something I want to share. But what I do want to share are the following:

My word this year is CLEAR. As in, get clear. Clear out. Clear energy, given and received. Clear water. And probably lots lots more I haven’t touched on yet.

AND, this year I’m aiming to:

1. deepen and sharpen my intuition and spiritual connection. (This feels the scariest to admit, but also like something that’s been a long time coming, and so I’m at a “fuck it” point.) To this end I’m part of Ocean Alchemy’s Intertidal Portal, and taking in Chrissy Tolley’s Intuitive Bachelor Unpacking on Instagram. (Yes, really.)

2. finish my hikes project (6 hikes remaining: Le Chemin du Buttereau, Corney Brook, Benjie's Lake, Aspy,Branch Pond Look-off and Freshwater Lake) (Will I write more about this whole project, to hike all 26 hikes in the Cape Breton Highlands National Park? I sure would like to. Stay tuned.)

3. refresh my website/brand/vision for my creative work - this has been a loooong time coming. I don’t know exactly how it’s going to look or play out, I just know that my sense of self, how I SEE myself, has shifted a fair bit in the last year or two, but also I know I have over 10 years of online writing and community building to comb through and pull ideas and inspiration from, including the Dream Big Cape Breton blog. So. We’ll see.

4. lift heavy things again - fuck I miss weight-lifting! I’m also a creature of habit and like to hide behind a “busy” excuse. Like many of us, I suspect. But I want to be a bad-ass bitch, and I want to be healthy, and I want to feel HOT AF in my skin. The boudoir shoot addressed a part of that, but strengthening my muscles addresses another part.

5. do a family tree refresh - my grandmother Noble was a bad-ass genealogist and compiled a ton of info on our family history. Her son (my uncle) took on the role of keeper of the records. But now I want to take that on from him (he’s in his 70’s). I’ve made a Google Form to send family for their updates, now I just have to put this shit in motion.

So, yeah, that’s where I’m at! Mid-January, it’s a snowy day, I’m feeling energized, also mildly unfocused, but wanting to be (focused, that is). I’m grateful you’re reading this, I’m grateful all of this is still a thing (the internet, blogs, etc). Let’s see where this year takes us!